OVER-SEXED AND UNDER-FUCKED?
LET’S TALK ABOUT THE OBVIOUS…
By Saida M.
It seems the entire world, irrespective of region or religious affiliation, has a single prevailing common obsession – female sexuality. The powerful sexual energy of the feminine is the subject of anything from blinding fear and rage to innocent curiosity in every corner of the world, and the nude female body tends to serve as a symbol of that power. To the unmarred mind this shrine represents all the beginnings, the ultimate love of a mother, and other lofty universal ideals. To a mind corrupted, however, it becomes an object of hatred, because its very strength is felt to be threatening – particularly to the existing dispersion of control in the world. Corruption is about possession. And you can’t possess love or magic.
And so, for thousands of years, an apparent–and often actual–oxymoronic friction (if you’ll pardon the pun) has existed between the male and the female, wherein the world seems to want to control female sexuality even as it continues to obsess over it.
Whether praised (in Tantra) or horrifically oppressed (in any organized religion, really), female sexuality has been the center of many debates and conflicts over the course of human civilization. Women have been ordered to hide behind veils and burkas lest they awaken desire in men’s loins. In most parts of the world women have been suppressed by force and by fear, they have been made voiceless, their sexuality silenced.
“The world seems to want to control female sexuality even as it continues to obsess over it.”
A particularly tragic and malevolent example is the still-widespread tradition of female genital mutilation (FGM) in some Muslim and Christian African countries such as Somalia and Ethiopia. Gambia, only this year, in 2016, announced that it will ban FGM after the Guardian launched a global campaign to end the practice. And according to a 2013 UNICEF report covering 29 countries in Africa and the Middle East, Egypt has the region’s highest total number of women that have undergone FGM (27.2 million), while Somalia has the highest percentage (prevalence) of FGM (98%). Let me remind you, it’s 2016.
And so it would appear that most of the world is under the impression that keeping the wild, sexual (natural, human, living) side of women silenced is going to keep us out of harm’s way. Or is there something else to it? Whose power is really at stake here?
I grew up in a culture that never told me that I have every right to walk down the street naked and that no one, not any man, has the right to do or even say anything to me. My human body is my birth right and there’s nothing shameful about my nipples or the size of my ass, or my ass as such. But nobody ever told me that. I had to figure this out for myself relatively recently.
How many times have you been subjected to comments and catcalls on the streets? Have you ever been grabbed? The generally accepted idea is “watch what you wear and how you walk” and you won’t be “asking for it.” Most men can’t even fathom the amount of sexual harassment an average woman has experienced by the time she is 20. And I’m talking about First World countries. It’s time we all realized, no one is going to make radical changes for us, it’s not up to anyone else to change this reality. We need to take back our sexuality, our right to show nipples, wobble our hips while walking and smile at strangers without reason…and without reprecussion!
“In the world we live in,women are generally over-sexualized but underfucked.”
And then there’s sex.
On the one hand, slut-shaming is alive and well and women are subject to a huge double-standard versus men when it comes to the wild-oats department. On the other hand, we have been brainwashed by popular culture into believing that putting a Kardashian-esque value on our bodies will gain us some sort of widespread acceptance. Oh the irony. In the world we live in, women are generally over-sexualized and underfucked. We spend too much time overthinking our bodies and apperance and far from enough time actually exploring what our bodies want.
There’s a label for every women, whatever her sexual status. If you don’t have sex much, you’re a “good girl” or “an old maid” or a “wallflower”. If you do, you might be deemed a “slut” or a “whore” or a “cougar” or a “bitch”. If you are a woman you have probably heard them at least once in your lifetime, directed at you, spoken about you or about someone else. But you know what the funny thing is? No one-word monicker exists for a sexually satisfied woman. Time to make oneup, don’t you think? A woman well-fucked is a thing of beauty!
A lot of it stems from our view of the female body and our stance on nudity in general. Here in America, we primarily equate nudity or nakedness with sexuality. In the US, TV broadcasters cannot show nudity from 6 AM to 10 PM and in most US states, public nudity is legally deemed “indecent exposure” and is punishable by law. You cannot go nude on the beach here, for example. You will get a ticket or even get arrested. And then there is that #warOnNipple – who can forget the fuss Rihanna’s banned Instagram account made when it was shut down for nipple exposure in that famous gala dress last year. We are not taught to honor our bodies and admire them, we are told to hide them, with various parts stuffed in padding and shaping materials. While simultaneously we are gawked at and expected to make them appealing for said gawking. Oh the irony (did I say that already? oh yeah I did).
“We are our own knights in shining armor and it’s time we realized this and took it back. Took it all back. Everything we own. Everything we are. Everything we want to be.”
Women are told to be sexy but, at the same time, not to be sexual. We are supposed to be a lot of things but we are not supposed to be free in our own sexuality: that’s not okay. This is a contradiction that would confuse the hell out of anyone, but we women have been conditioned to live with it. No one forced us to (unless you count witch hunts, inquisitions, misogynist laws and religions, but nobody’s counting those anymore) we just sort of fell into the trap and have grown too busy chasing all the things we thought we were supposed to chase to realize that we need to dig ourselves out! No one is coming to save us, no prince on a white horse, no knight in shining armor. We are IT! We are our own knights and princes and it’s time we realized this and took it back. Took it all back. Everything we own. Everything we are. Everything we want to be.
There’s no better way to say it than – honestly ladies, we have to take back our pussies! And here’s why. Try to explain to a young girl in most of today’s world that she should dress her body as she pleases, and not in order to get or, alternatively, avoid attention. That “sexy” should be how she feels in relationship to her body, not how she looks to an observer. Do you think this girl will have any current role model as a reference for this at the top of her head? I find it hard to believe that most girls would.
If we are to create those role models, we need to start with ourselves. Go back to who we truly are, indulge in our body’s ability to create magic, learn to respect and love ourselves. I can’t tell you how many talks I have had with women over the past 3 years about our abilities to tune into state of meditation through orgasm and how may times I have seen their eyebrows rise to the top of their heads. Most women know very little about what gives them pleasure and joy. According to Planned Parenthood statistics, as many as 1 in 3 women have trouble reaching orgasm when having sex. And as many as 80 percent of women have difficulty with orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone. Look around. That’s the majority of your girlfriends. Time to start learning about what empowers us and to take back out sexuality. Time to learn to respect out bodies through learning about what they want and not through suppression and restrictions and pleasing others.
What if we tried to tell our sisters and girlfriends that learning to orgasm should be on every woman list of priorities? What if we started viewing our bodies as shrines to our spirits and not as a objects for trade?
What if we all suddenly stopped supporting the idea of an accessory-woman, the trophy, only valued by the man whose sleeve she dresses, concerned about whether we’re “appropriate” for this occasion or that, this man or another. What if we started dressing for ourselves and choosing to invest time in ourselves, rather than sinking it into something vaguely reminiscent of a relationship because we’re afraid of being labeled or disappointing our parents, or…fill in your own reason here. You can’t tell me none of this sounds familiar.
And what if we started telling our younger sisters and daughters that their beauty is unique, that they should not compare themselves to the photoshopped pages of fashion magazines. What if we told them that they have power and that they can create their reality as a direct reflection of their inner world. Would that make them nourish the garden inside and prevent them from polluting it with the artificial reality of media and marketing? Would they want to know more about themselves then? Would they start listening to what THEY really want and grow into a new generation of independent and confident women?
I dare you to imagine a world where this is possible. Meditate on it. Seriously. Let me know how it feels once you do and then you will know on a more visceral level where my desire to change things comes from.
I think women need to wake up. We need to be happier, know ourselves better, find that love, make that dream happen, finally believe in the fact that what makes us unique is what makes us strong. It’s going back to who we really are. It’s awakening to your best life and your true potential.
And I dare you to ask yourself only one question today- are You the woman you always wanted to be?