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 Jana Brike speaking up

Art by Jana Brike


By Saida

Let’s just agree that women discussing sex is as scandalous as it was a decade ago. Or, hold on, do I need to convince you?

speaking up red lipsSexual freedom is one of those things our mothers’ generation was burning bras for and  we still have to march today just to have basic rights and freedom over our own bodies. The topic of women’s rights to their own reproductive systems is still one of the hottest subjects in the media speaking up in 2017. We seem to have gained at least the freedom to discuss it. Yet, a large portion of our world is so wrapped up in their ancient believes, that they insist women hide their sexuality, obey patriarchy and preferably only concentrate on childbearing and home chores.  A fatal disease called Good Girl Syndrome. And I am not talking about some third world countries, we see it all too clearly right here, in our own homes. It seeps through the internet, it is projected onto you via magazines and TV shows, it is poured into your system like a sweet poison, sometimes lovingly served by your own family. And we drink it up. Or spit it out when detected. But we don’t talk about it. At least not openly. At least not in public.
We are told to concentrate on beauty, career, the size of Kardashian’s ass. Get a beauty cream, join the gym, find your dream guy, who’s like that character from a TV series. Or just settle down already and be all those things that “make you a woman”. Have a kid, cook through Julia Child’s cook book. Battles are not for women! Men prefer real ladies, not feminists or bitches with opinions.
And many are raised with these beliefs and live in it. They don’t know or are afraid to step over the line. Because sometimes some women do it almost never ends well for them.  The least they get is labels and public outlast.
Recently, one my most viral posts on this blog went viral again and with now thousands of views, there is still only one comment under it. It’s an offensive comment, from a guy in Europe, who thinks I need to get fucked. I guess the topic spoke to his soul.
All this made me think about the fact that speaking about such topics still evokes so much hatred… I couldn’t help but wonder –  are we actually speaking up about female sexuality enough?
Are we bold and open enough about what we need?
What about our rights?
And pink tax?
If you think about it, we live in the world where THINX ads were recently removed from the New York subways stations, because people can’t seem to comprehend that menstruation is nothing to be ashamed of.  Let me remind you that women outnumber men in the USA as well as most countries in the world. Nationally, females make up 50.8 percent of the US population. So aren’t we catered to more at least in the US? Why do we feel like a minority most of the time?
If we are are a half of this country as well as the world, should our voice be louder?
It’s like we’re tiptoeing around the problem. A huge elephant in the room and everyone is worried about their labels being proper.
Are we too careful not to offend a few, that we’d rather not scream about what bothers us so much?
And by staying silent and mostly discussing these topics in private, are we allowing this condemning behavior towards women continue to happen?
Think about that for a moment.
Do we want to play by the rules that don’t work?
 sleeping girls

What if we didn’t give many fucks about rules?

speaking up about sexImagine for a moment a world where we, women, dare speaking up about our sexuality and our orgasms, our sexual appetites and needs, openly and as naturally as we speak about latest trends.
What if we did it for ourselves and not for social status or favoritism from potential partners. What if we wore our sexuality on our sleeves without fear of being judged, labeled or shamed?
What if we were empowered by our bodies rather than objectified because of them.
My article had over 50 re-posts on Facebook alone, and just one public comment from an angry guy. A middle aged Russian guy who can’t seem to be able to live with a fact that women are fed up with objectification and over-sexing a female body. This guy thought he had every right to speak up about my tone of voice. I can’t talk about this, but he is entitled to.
My female readers send me private thank you messages and asking for more articles like this one. But they also tell me that they are afraid to openly comment on the blog, because of guys like this one. Dozens of women would rather be quiet because of the fear that has been instilled in us. Those who rebel will suffer.
And this is exactly where metamorphosis of speaking up take a turn.
We need to adjust the volume. And we need to do so by opening more conversations about what matters to us. Make it public, easliy searchable. Share with your sisters.  Knowledge is power!

Speaking up!

a girl and a kitten

Art by Jana Brike’s Instagram account

And this is exactly what we are going to do here on the blog – talk!  More than before, in your face, honest and open, about every possible topic that might interest a rebellion female mind!

We are going to educate and support you. We are going to help you answer questions and will give you a private space to ask even more. We are going to do this together!
For this purpose, I have created a secret group for us where we can openly talk about anything. No judgement, no shaming, no limits or restrictions, full support.  Girls only. By reference only. A safe place for us, like-minded women to elevate each other and to seek more together.
If you want to join, comment here, add me on Facebook and I will add you to the secret group. This group is not searchable and is only visible to the members of the group, so you are safe there. Join the tribe!

And the other big news!

Starting tomorrow Doctor Zhana Vrangalova, PhD, is going to join the blog as our regular contributing guest writer. Zhana is an NYC-based sex researcher who studies casual sex, nonmonogamy, and sexual orientation. She holds a PhD in developmental psychology from Cornell University, and currently teaches human sexuality-related courses as an adjunct professor at New York University. Her scholarly work has been published in a number of academic journals, and she is also passionate about bringing accurate scientific information to the general audience.  In working to disseminate sexual science to broader audiences, she also writes about sexuality for popular media (for e.g., PlayboyAlternetNY Daily NewsTeen VoguePsychology Today), shares new sex research on her TwitterInstagramFacebook, runs the Casual Sex Project (a place for people to share their true hookup stories), and does a weekly sex education show using the live video streaming platforms Periscope and Facebook Live. She is currently working on a book about the science of healthy hookups.
Are you excited? Because I can barely contain myself!