MY TESTIMONY AND WHY I CHOSE TO GO PUBLIC WITH MY JOURNEY.
In different levels of development there are different levels of responsibility. I share my knowledge with you because my own accumulated experiences and knowledge have led me to discover many amazing things, many of which I am now able to translate into words and give back as my gift to you. In this process I have put a lot of pressure on myself to grow, expand and get higher understanding of certain truths. This is my way of taking responsibility for my gift of understanding. In this process I hope to show you your own greatness and I will write about my journey, because I know that many of you will relate.
I seek answers to my own questions not only in ancient scripts, but also in modern science and a lot of times pieces of truth come together, attracted to each other like magnets, mystical and scientific, and I am able to zoom out far enough to see the big picture, where puzzle pieces fit perfectly, creating a clear image of the big picture. In that moment comes a level of understanding that sometimes takes a lot of time to process and to decipher. Anyone who has ever felt that, who has ever been in that state of mind, will relate to what I’m saying. I call them downloads. They come in a state of deep meditation, both silent and active states, and the best thing to do is to let them integrate into your mind. When the right events occur and the right experience has taken place, answers will come as a realization. And then all pieces fall into place. You zoom out and see that big picture.
Many scientific studies (examples here
) show that meditation literally rewires your brain, it puts into a state of deeper understanding of our universal connection with all around us as well as each other. It makes you go into the far parts of you where there is no white noise and where you can hear your true voice. That voice of intuition. That place is sacred. It is where what we have come to call God lives. It is also the place your soul/spirit call home. Tuning into that place leads to awakening, it makes you wake up to a different reality than you have grown to get used to. It changes everything.
Until recently I didn’t think that people were experiencing the same things as me on this level. I have come to understand that it is happening now on a global scale. I am not alone and I am not even limited to my close circle of friends in my perception of this. Soon after I experienced my first download (as I call these chunks of informational connections), I started noticing people around me awakening. I started connecting with my closest friends on a new level, asking them and myself questions, I started researching and reading articles and books, watching videos, educating myself. I opened up and embraced the unknown, I begun to slowly realize, that it’s not happening only to me, it’s happening to people around me, including people that I have known for years! Transformation was everywhere and it wasn’t always voluntary. A lot of time this new understanding takes people by surprise, they way it did me.
When it happened to me two and a half years years ago, I felt alone. I had no one to ask for answers. I was seeking in the darkness, like a blind kitten, looking for a way our of a dark room.
I wondered how to find my tribe, because on some deeper level I knew it existed. I looked for that in the spiritual communities, but the New Age and hippie movements didn’t feel like home. I didn’t want to do yoga and dress in vintage and boho to fit in. I was looking for people like me, who don’t have a desire for gurus, who like getting dressed in what reflects their personality, regardless what societal pocket they belong to, who didn’t recite scriptures or chant on weekends (also I have come to appreciate the power of sound healing since then). Where do I seek answers that I can trust? Where do I find those people who know where to seek knowledge and can guide me?
I couldn’t find the middle ground.
Until, in some magical way, slowly it found me.
And then it seems like my life changed in a matter of a few months. Suddenly I was in the middle of one of the biggest, loving, creative rebel communities in New York. People who all see the world from the same perspective, who celebrate life on daily basis, practice gratitude for each other, who believe in the same core philosophy of love being the only main rule of the game. They are happy, successful, smart and educated. There are scientists among us and there are entrepreneurs, there are free spirits and artists. There are also hippies and burners. We are all different and beautiful in our own ways, like the many facts of a perfect crystal.
With time I got a lot of answers to my questions. Sometimes it seems like it’s been 10 years, but really it has only been barely three.
With that eminent feeling of gratitude, while in the process of integrating into my new understanding of self, I realized that what I was experiencing was a direct manifestation of my own intention. I created my own reality! I looked inside into what my spirit so thirstily craved and found my answers. I found these people, created my sisters, found my lovers, friends and a lifestyle, that liberated me from a lot of boundaries I grew up with as a woman, as well as a human. What I felt inside and what I tapped into ended up reflecting directly on my surrounding reality. It sounds magical and it was. It still is.
And perhaps the biggest realization of them all was that I created this reality for myself!
I created it! I attracted it to me like a magnet!
Oh, how easy and how hard it was to realize this!
And, don’t get me wrong, it still isn’t always easy to integrate into new levels of understanding. There’s a lot of letting go in the process of self-healing. Old habits and settings are not easy to shed, but they press upon your brain like a cage that you have outgrown. Your wings don’t fit in it anymore, you have to break free to be free. And this is the moment when help from your tribe become irreplaceable. You see, everyone in your life is your reflection, your mirror. It might not be a an easy concept to grasp at first, it is not an easy switch to turn, and it requires daily work on yourself and dedication. It takes strength to realize that everything in your life is your own making. Prioritizing your own development over pleasures of life and over fleeting fun and even over simple laziness requires discipline and I am still getting adjusted to that. But it helps to be surrounded by those who speak your language. It makes all the difference.
Seeking let’s you open up new doors. By searching through darkness you discover new light. By moving in direction of fear, you move towards your dreams. By looking at everything as a direct reflection of your inner world, you understand the universal connection between all things in this reality. If someone triggers strong emotions in you, it is because you are dealing with it within you. On a deeper level, but you are. It’s blocks, it’s walls, it’s shells, that you have to break, shed and leave behind. You have to embrace your dark sides in order for them to guide you onto the path of breaking cycles, and you need to take responsibility for your light side in order to believe in the power of your own creation. It’s a lot of daily self-work, but it’s the most gratifying and rewarding work you will ever do. And the best thing you will ever invest in is you!
I like finding answers to some of my questions in science, but I also love the magic of spirituality, the parts of it not yet explained.80% of the universe is made of dark matter. We know it as a scientific fact, however science itself is still struggling to explain it. We know something that we can not explain. Think about that for a minute!
If we are all made of stardust, then we have forgotten what that binding component is.Or maybe it’s a concept we can’t yet grasp.
There were many researches and movements before us. It has been brewing for a long time, it’s just happening on a bigger scale right now, we are evolving, we are awakening.
Surprised? I was too, except for me scientific research came as a result of my seeking for answers to the questions on spirituality. Science took me by surprise.
So basically, what we are experiencing as humans right now is called simply – evolution. It might seem like an easy answer, but I believe that we are simply learning to use more of our brains. We are tapping into the levels of collective consciousness that we were not able to grasp and process before with the existing knowledge. We are evolving into our higher selves, as we are reaching the next level of understanding as a collective mind. It is really happening. You can choose to tap into this and take a ride with it, or you can wait until it hits you like a bucket of ice over your head. Both are an option. However, I prefer the first one. 🙂
So, to sum it all up, having gone through most of this mostly on my own and in silence made me realize that I have a strong need to write down my experience from the most refined and honest point of view. You see, with gaining knowledge comes a strong desire to seek answers and to surround yourself by like-minded people. I was not alone in seeking my tribe, I know many of you are looking for like-minded souls. By making my journey public, I take responsibility for my own experience, but I also take responsibility for my own greatness and for those who are seeking. In that I recognize that I do now now all the answers, but I do desire greatly to expand into the next level and I choose to be the bridge between you and my world. I want to invite you in and I want to connect you with those who can provide answers in the areas of the universal understanding that are still gray to me. I want to learn from this together with you and with our teachers and I want to share this experience with as many of you as possible.
One of the major experiences and lessons I took out of the Solstice weekend that just passed was that you have to take responsibility for your own greatness. In doing that you accept God, Universe, whatever you want to call it, within you .
Well, this article is my way of doing this.
I will tell you my story, I will write and I will connect the dots where I can alone and with your help. And with that said, I’d like to thank you, my reader who will remain unnamed, for the first spiritual question on spirituality, that I will answer later this week. I thank you for putting the trust in me, that resulted in this new beginning for me. And who doesn’t love a great start?!
Until then, I leave you with this.