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HORNED AND FEATHERED

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WHAT I LEARED FROM THOSE WHO DON’T LET STARES BOTHER THEM 

Saida Mouradova

 

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Headpiece and armor – designed and handcrafted by me. Boots – handpainted by me.

To be perfectly frank, sometimes I wonder how I got here.

 

 

 

 

For as long as I can recall I had been apprehensive of radical new ideas. Where did all these horns and feathers come from? And the hand-painted boots. And the complete irreverence about shunning societal norms and the willingness to broadcast this freely. Where did all this suddenly come from, how did everything change so quickly and when did it…become so wonderful! It’s almost impossible to conceive that things were not this way in the least a rather short while ago.

Irreverence? Perhaps fearlessness is truer. For I am no longer afraid that I might be misunderstood. It’s really this feeling that frees you like no other. And once you’re free, that’s when they come – the horns and feathers. Freedom like this in a woman can feel threatening to others, both men and women, but I assure you – it’s nothing but goodness.

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If something about the way another person looks renders you indignant, well then you’re the one feeling lost, not he. Isn’t that so?

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When all these horns and all these feathers came into my life, other things began to depart. Like my concerns about what other people think about my clothes or how they perceive my actions. This coming from a girl who ten years ago couldn’t imagine leaving the house bra-less. Even though I’d always idolized icons such as Isabella Blow or Daphne Guinness who were radically different and stood out from the crowd, I never imagined that could be me. 

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I never thought I would be donning a horned headpiece and going for a stroll down the avenue while people stared and commented as I passed, and that I’d be utterly unaffected. I used to be quite affected. Lest you think I was always like this, let me tell you – not even close. The staring used to bother me most of all. And now it doesn’t. If they’re staring because they’re shocked and amazed, well, then it’s wonderful. And if they stare in judgment, well then it speaks to their weakness in the situation. If something about the way another person looks renders you indignant, well then you’re the one feeling lost, not he. It’s your hitherto unshakable world view that’s being thrown a curveball, and that is why you’re feeling uncomfortable. At best. At worst you’re scared or jealous or angry. We’ve all been on both sides of this predicament at least once, haven’t we.

So, yeah, I don’t know how these horns and feathers made their way into my life, but I know one thing – they’re just my size.

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