I wanted to talk about lying today in today’s morning note. I recently attended a friend’s workshop discussion on truth. A lot of things discussed in the 2 hours I spent there stuck with me for weeks.
When you grow up in a society where everything, including political system, is a lie, you don’t really learn to be yourself. You become a chameleon. I am referring, of course, to my childhood in the Soviet Union. From early on I was encouraged by my surroundings to be a certain way, to fit a certain standard of what a woman should be, to do things a certain way and even how to paint my nails. Regardless of the intention behind this, women of my generation grew up thinking that we need to marry, have kids and to hide our sexuality behind a good girl front, because that’s who the good guys marry. I was often told to be ”more feminine”.
It was all, of course, against my nature.
As a result, I grew up thinking that a little lie here and there is acceptable and crucial for one’s survival. I lied to my parents, because they couldn’t handle the truth. I lied at school, because that was pretty much the only way. We all cheated on our exams. In fact, not cheating was considered abnormal. I have cheated pretty much on every boyfriend I ever had, because the concept of monogamy was unrealistic to me. For the longest time the idea of total honesty was a bit foreign to me. Reality involved lying.
Now I understand that being honest and practicing radical truth is crucial to one’s essence. It’s not always easy and sometimes I just don’t know how to do it right, but I’m learning as I go. You see, when we lie, we create a fake reality in which we first have to believe ourselves before we even attempt convincing others. Before you create a lie for others, you create a lie for yourself. And that alters your reality.
Telling yourself the truth is sometimes the hardest, but I think we should all start by revealing a lie to ourselves every day.
Ask yourself some of the following questions and I promise you, by the time you get to #3, you will have your own individual question pop up in your head:
Why are you in this relationship?
What would you really like to do for a living?
Do you like where you live?
Do you love yourself?
If you didn’t have any restrictions, where would you be right now?
Dress- H&M, Conscious Collection
Bag- Banana Republic
Boots- Banana Republic
Shawl- bought on the street in India